Crowrider: Remembering What I Value

This summer has been such a wonderful liberating time for me providing me with the space to really review and reaffirm my own dreams and recipe for happiness.

After the pressure of four years of academic work and my current “all-but-dissertation” status – I started the summer under the effects of a pretty heavy and unrelenting internal taskmaster. I wasn’t having much fun, I felt lethargic and certainly wasn’t getting much work done on my dissertation. I knew something needed to free itself, I just didn’t know how or what.

And then I received an unexpected gift – a European coffee maker.

I’m actually not a huge coffee fanatic. In fact, while I love the extra turbo gear it puts me in (I’m an Aries after all) my body really doesn’t like coffee at all – and it’s made that perfectly clear over the years.

So my joy wasn’t about the coffee. It’s what the familiar aluminum shape and the warm cup of coffee wanted me to remember:

Back in 1996, I spent my junior year abroad in southern Spain in the town of Granada – it was one of the best years of my life. That year I left behind the pressures of academia, the family ties and disappointments – I took a sabbatical from my identity and found I was much more than I thought I was.

That year I barely went to class, lived with a fabulously inspiring group of American women and out of nowhere emerged my inner artist. It was a year entirely dedicated to the feminine principle: the interior world of the soul was discovered and expressed, I wrote poetry every day, I took a painting class, I enjoyed the greatest and deepest friendships I had ever known, we played games, studied old men in the plaza, read Spanish literature, drank wine and watched life.

Most mornings I woke up before the other girls and took a walk through the cobble stone streets to buy our daily loaf of delicious bread. And when I got home I would start the coffee maker – exactly like the one I now have – and watch it magically gurgle up from the sturdy aluminum base. My friends would slowly make their way from their rooms, and we would start our day with fresh bread, jam and coffee. We would decide which inspiring place we would go for our daily journal writing, what kind of fresh food we would pick-up at the outdoor market, share our dreams, play music and slowly make our way out into the world. The city of Granada gave us endless contact with the breathing, living imaginal world. In fact, I think that was the first time in my life I really learned how to open up to “the world behind the world” through the images, signs and interactions of daily life.

The next morning, after the coffee-maker and these memories found their way back into my life, I spooned out a heaping pile of coffee grounds, watched the rich, dark liquid magically bubble up and poured myself a really, really dark cup of coffee. (So dark I could barely drink it! I’ve improved my proportions since!) I poured it into my Granada pottery mug, went out into my garden, wrote in my journal, harvested some greens and fruits from my garden, remembered and congratulated myself.

You see when I left Spain I promised myself that I wanted to hold on to the slowness, to the poetry, to the siesta life that allows you to pause and take in the pulse of the world around you. I congratulated myself because I have created that life – I have found a way to structure my life around what I value most. Without any real clear intention the happiness of that year has, I think, been secretly guiding my decisions, and leading me towards a joyful existence where I can take the time to sit in my garden, write a poem and feel a part of life. I want this unplugged, meandering life where there’s just enough space to follow the instincts of my soul or to get into a rather unexpected, yet inspiring conversation with a stranger at the café. I want this life where I can perceive the aliveness of my body, the fluctuations of my inner voice, and most of all the aesthetic integument of beauty that connects me to this world.

While I still have ambitions and strong desires to be a successful businesswoman, to own a home, and to finish my dissertation, I always look at these desires with a strong eye for the unconscious trappings of what culture tells us makes for a happy life. Going, going, going, pushing, driving, and making something happen does not make me happy. In fact, I feel rather pleased with this somewhat bohemian life I have that revolves around walks in nature, daily check-ins with my vegetable garden, time with friends, writing down my dreams, and creative expression in all forms. I found that this small aluminum coffee maker allowed me to re-affirm my dedication to living life outside the demands of our culture’s rhythms and according to the spontaneous and passionate rhythms of my own soul.

This is what makes me feel the richest. This is how I measure success.

Knowing that, is liberating.

What makes you feel rich? What are the markers of your own dream life? Where are you living at the rhythms of culture and ignoring the needs of your soul? Can you dare yourself to slow down? When was the last time you talked to a tree or wrote a poem?

UPCOMING WORKSHOP

Once Laura comes down from her coffee high, she is offering a class entitled, “I Am Home” for six consecutive Tuesday nights starting in October from 7-9:30pm. This class is dedicated to living a more embodied, creative, intuitive, inspired, authentic and community-filled life. Come learn energy work, the intuitive arts, engage in creative and transformative practices such as shamanic journeying, writing poetry, guided meditation, and much, much, more. For details email Laura or call 510-484-7899.

Image One: Coffeemaker, taken with IPhone camera

Image Two: Garden bounty, taken with IPhone camera